Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
4 words: hood of his car
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
