So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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