I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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