there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
