Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
