my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
