i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
