dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
