no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
