apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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