this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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