i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
