i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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