So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
