Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
