I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize