Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
