i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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