I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
