I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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