NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
