Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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