she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
PANTIES FOUND
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