so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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