did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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