Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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