maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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