You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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