after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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