i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
