They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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