that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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