Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
