Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Randomize