dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
