we have pet lesbian snakes
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
