i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
