On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
