I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
