She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
