You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
