the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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