You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
