I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
