Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
