wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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