I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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