I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
