He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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