My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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