matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
