how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
