She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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