You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
