i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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