If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize