She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
