So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
