I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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