So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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