it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
