just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize