if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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