She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
