So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
