ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
