I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
