all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
