he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize