you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize