why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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