im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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