He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm at about main and main street
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
