I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
