She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We are two peas in an std pod
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
