I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
