then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
