I want to make a zoo with you.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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