if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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