Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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