We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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