I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
