Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
