on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
