I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
