I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize