8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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