Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We need a shit load of segways right now
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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