At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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