sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize