chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
