every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
