Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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