He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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