I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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