Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
