the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
