Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
