I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
