Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
