im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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