Where is the hickey?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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