4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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