ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
