I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
