please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
