Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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