good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
