I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
