Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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