I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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